As you can see, I haven’t “said” a lot here either since Friday. But I am discovering that it’s a case of the less you say, the less you want to say – a prolonged state of speechlessness could definitely lead to reclusiveness – it’s easier.
To go up into the mountains for the Whitsun weekend was a good idea – Verbier off-season is a peaceful place and the weather was beautiful.
To communicate with Erik I wrote in a little notebook – on Saturday, 26 pages, and on Sunday over dinner – 12. But I write far less than I would say (no “the waitress is a bit slow” or “it must be hot digging up roads in this weather” - just the essentials – “I’ll have asparagus to start and then the carpaccio”). You can’t chat when you’re dumb. So I’m now curious about how many words the average person speaks in a day… and I wonder if there is a big variation from person to person. The other thing I’ve realised is how useless I am at sign language. Erik couldn’t understand my “mountain” and “egg” – pretty basic stuff you would have thought (or maybe it’s him!). I will never have the same opinion of sign language (those gesticulating people you sometimes see in a corner of your TV screen). If I were to stay dumb much longer, I’d definitely learn sign language. One of my problems too has been that I can speak but I mustn’t – not to do so requires a lot of concentration and willpower and that’s tiring.
The other thing I’ve been thinking about is those people with “locked in syndrome” and in particular the film "Le scaphandre et le papillon" (the diving bell and the butterfly) (click on the link for further info). I adored this film but it’s very sad. I have even more admiration now for those people who write whole books just by blinking an eye. So courageous.
Today I was in Geneva and by myself and ventured out to do some shopping – I found that smiling at shop assistants was a good substitute for speaking and in the food checkout queue I noticed that those who can speak often fail to address a single word to the cashier – another thing my muteness has made me more aware of.
As of Thursday, I’m allowed to whisper and I must say I’m looking forward to it. Tomorrow I plan to venture to the gym – speechlessness shouldn’t be too much of a handicap there – I’ll plug myself into my i-pod and nobody will notice the difference!
